Noel lives on in our hearts

Noel had a fabulous funeral. There were people queuing up even outside of the hall. And he had his funeral exactly as he wanted. Including women crying over his coffin. :D Because that was one of Noel's crazy imaginations that he shared with me... Little bollocks! :) Again just getting whatever he wants. 
I am very thankful to Anouk, her dutch family and Noel's family for including me  and embracing me with such love and support.  And that I had this space available for me to go through my mourning surrounded by other people that loved him too. I'm thankful also to Tom for being there. 
I can't even express how devastated I am. I'm missing Noel badly. There was still so many things and places I wanted to show him and now there's no chance.

 

To be honest I am surprised how much I am smashed by his death. Because I knew that it is going to happen. I knew it is going to happen soon. Because I knew that there was no Noel's spark left in him anyway. In April 2023 Noel was already just like on some auto-pilot driven by selfish masters - addiction, demons and mental disorders. I knew these realms of Noel. It was his perpetuate battle, but unfortunately, at the end, the spark of Noel was completely gone. It was my first stage of grieve. But it was easier, because I was pissed off with him and I still was able to have some hope that he will wake up. Even though I knew that the chances are minimal.  Now there's no point of being pissed off with Noel , but the definity of the situation is for me hard to overcome. 

Many people have put things into Noel's coffin that they wanted him to have for his journey to the other side. I have put into his suit pocket sacred tobacco , a few rollies made out of it, extra skins and filtres ( I know he hated rollies, but I hated his red Marlboro and I was definitely not putting them into the coffin), weed, LSD, plectrum, a little note from me and also I made sure his pockets were filled with money. Because he hated to have no money in his pocket and unfortunately, that's how he left this world. Broke. 

One of the main reasons why I am creating this page is that I want to share with you a photoscreen of the map of Glasnevin cemetery, so if you want to visit his grave, you can find it.

Another reason I am creating this page, actually the most important, because that's what I believe the  memory of Noel should represent. It's a message of SOBRIETY. Each of us have  unique tendencies and relationship to substances. I want to encourage us to be there for one another during times of battling our demons and when things are getting out of control.  To be there for one another during times of loneliness and lows. To be encouraging each other pursuing a journey of  mental health. But also sharing moments of happiness and joy. 

If anything - you can reach out to me anytime. It's always a delight for me to hear from any of you. And so I hope I can reach out to you also when I am in my own lows. 

This page doesn't show on my main menu, you need the link to have an access. Otherwise just ask me for it. Also, you can feel free to share the link with whomever you feel like that it has some meaning to. 

With love

Bea